Am I “Nothing Without Love”?

In Addictions, Male and Female Relationships and Roles in Marriage, Marriage, Parenting, Pornography, Purpose and Meaning, Uncategorized, Worship by BizgaineyLeave a Comment

Nate Ruess, who’s been around music his entire life, erupted globally as the lead singer of Fun a few years ago.  His most recent title is called Nothing Without Love.

I wonder.

Is he right?

Are we ‘Nothing Without Love‘?

He may be on to something.

Something ancient.



We humans are nothing without love.

It helps, of course, that the dude can blow.  He can flat out sing.  Doesn’t look that way; he’s a pretty small guy.  One would never guess – by appearance only – that he carries a set of pipes through which this voice bursts,

Yeah, Nate gets it.  At least partially.

He is not alone.  Our poets, artists, sculptures, writers, musicians, philosophers —  they all get it.  At least partially.


Century after century of recorded civilization sounds a similar theme: that of the entirety of human existence as a perpetual experience of our pursuit of love.

We crave, deeply and often desperately, intimacy.  We long to love and to be loved.

You know that of which I write.

Pause and reflect on the most meaningful experiences of your life.  Can you recall one or two?

In all likely hood, love is the centerpiece of each memory. You may not use the term, but you know – in your gut, that love is the fuel that fires your past, enflames your present and animates any hope of a future you may have!

Yes, love fuels life.  The absence of love makes us feel absent, as Nate Ruess bellows.

There are many reasons for this, but the fundamental reason is that our desire to love and be loved is a powerful reminder – even foretaste – of our longing for enduring – even unending – relationship.

Enduring love.

The hope of unending relationship.


The value of being valued by one who knows us well and says yes to us is of inestimable worth in at least four life-giving ways.

  1. The value of being valued by one who knows us well and says yes to us provides sure footing on this often slippery slope and slant of life’s contours and curves.
  2. The value of being valued by one who knows us well and says yes to us protects us from lurking addictions and diminishes the power of pornography and it’s creeping presence in our home!
  3. From a parental perspective, the value of being valued provides firm footing for our children. They not only lean on this sense of value, but they come to depend upon it for health and wholeness. Indeed, for we who are married, the value of valuing each other endures beyond our life and extends into the generations that follow: providing hope for those yet to come.
  4. The value of being valued by one who knows us well and says yes to us roots us with sacred sense of purpose, plac’dness and presence.  From such rooted-ness blooms the fruit of security and births the reward of stability.

We long for the stability enduring relationships provide and the life that springs forth from the rich soil of unending love.

It is this type of stability that aids parents who wish to diminish the impact of porn in any home and the life of any child.

In fact, valuing one another exudes a gravitational force; a magnetic pull!  There are few stories as winsome as the couple who has traveled the toughest passages on life’s dusty trail and come through those passages stronger, more in love and ever more hungry for a love that endures!

We know them when we see them.  We long to be like them.  The reality of their love gives us hope for ours.

They are the elderly couple at the corner ice cream shop who share a cone together.

Love is the Fuel

Here is one such story for you,

Consider the middle age couple tucked away in the corner of a favorite restaurant; trying to catch brief retreat on a shoestring budget and ramshackle life.  The look in their eyes tells you that this moment, though fleeting, is meaningful.

Or the young couple just embarking on the hope of a lifelong journey together.  The ones who enjoy being together and look for ways in which they can share their life and fight against ways in which life seeks to separate them.

Yes.  We know it when we see it.  Words are not required.  Such marital bliss – won on the mine fields of love and commitment –  impart a singular message of ancient longing,

Marriage is a reminder and foretaste of enduring and unending love and can become a most treasured relationship while on this earth.


Why is this important for our children and essential if we are to create an environment in which the impact of porn – and other addictions – is diminished?

Because we are learning that loveless marriages lead to lifeless children.

Lifeless children begin to trifle with experiences of distortion (such as porn) and dysfunction at the highest levels.  Porn doubles down on distortion as it contributes to the demise of hope and the dream of unending and enduring love (


Because most of our addictions are driven by an innate longing for personhood, plac’dness and purpose.  Children first learn to satisfy those longings by watching their parents.  This falls into the more is caught than taught category of parenting and life lessons.

Therefore, a vital way we convey our search for meaning is passed on in the ways we relate to one another as husband and wife.

Wondering how to get the ball rolling?

Go grab a meal together and talk to one another!

If you live in Vero Beach , or on the Treasure Coast, then check out Sweet Kiss Ice Cream Parlor ( Melissa and I love it.  It’s a great non budget breaking place to connect and enjoy one another’s company!

Talk about your desires and hopes for your life together.  Discuss the hard, but wonder working road, of learning to live together and love one another again.

If you have nothing to say, then just sit together.  Simply be in the presence of one another. Look into each other’s eyes and find the person you value and long to value again.

You may find that you need help. Don’t be embarrassed. We all need help. Find a couple you both know and trust. No one is perfect. Others have been where you are.

Decide today to take a step toward each other in the week to come.  It may be a small step. It may also be the most significant step you make together.  One that secures the steps of your children and provides a solid foundation on which they might build a porn free, fully human life!

Disrupting to Renew


I emphasis the term diminish.  I would never suggest that anyone person or couple can do anyone thing to prevent our children from making decisions that bring about negative consequences.  You may, in fact, do everything right and still have a loved one go off rail, so to speak.  My only concern is to point toward some ways in which we, as parents, can bring stability and strength to our children.

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